Today, I forgot my medications. I didn’t realize it until seven PM and now I am just going to tough it out until tonight when I go to bed early. I usually take my medications regularly. I am not sure how I forgot, other than I had some excitement this morning. And, some upset too. My debt doesn’t seem to be being managed right by debt management company I put in charge to help me get out of debt. I have been inside all day. I even have a friend over, and I am sitting at the computer writing. This is important for me to get out, though. I hope to have a better day tomorrow. I really do! I have been working on my other web sites a lot today. I posted two new ones to this site yesterday. I had a good day yesterday. I went to a music festival, and man was it hot here in Kansas City. I got to here one of my local heroes play an entire one hour set, though. And, I got it on film. So, I am sure I will post it to myspace.com account and http://rainingcolors-studio.com It was a nice performance. I was glad to be a part of it. But, then the heat started getting to my friend and I and we left. When I woke, I was kind of hyper, and I simply forgot to take my medications. So, I have been obsessing on the computer today. I guess that is my safe place. I guess that is where I feel most secure. Right in front of my computer. And, you know what, that is OK.

I am getting ready to start a new journey in my life. I have had success in returning to work for the school break summer session. Now, it up to me to make the most of my time and my energy. I don’t want to work so hard that exclude my emotional disorder. I don’t want to hide behind training videos and reading materials. I want to integrate fun and excitement into my life. I want to be normal again. I don’t feel normal right now as I have had a medication adjustment. I needed it due to increasing symptoms. This was a choice I made and my psychiatrist agreed I needed an increase in one of my medications. It is helping so far. Medications are a tool in my spiritual kit of tools I have at my feet, waiting for me to dip into. I feel somewhat groggy and tired much of the time. But, I am persevering. I am ready to leave work again in favor of pursuing my true passions in life. I will need assistance temporarily. But, I will be better when all is said and done. A new journey awaits. I am ready, and I am excited. I will be going back to school in September. It will be good for me to have structure. This month, it is July 30th, will be full of projects and learning, as well as some leisure and especially house organization. I look forward to the end of today, my last day at work, but I will miss the people there. I will miss their kindness and care they have offered me. They have been like friends, and I would say they are my friends. On a professional level, they are my co-workers. I will seek to maintain some of these friendships and relationships. It is important to me. But, today, I am looking forward to my new journey.

I was in school when I had my first psychotic break.  I was in school when I had my second psychotic break.  I was in school when I was hospitalized for depression and addiction.  But, I persevered through school to achieve a Masters Degree in Social Work.  I love social work.  I do work now for a mental health center.  I work with my peers, people who have psychiatric and/or emotional illness.  I love the work I do.  One thing I can say for sure is that with time, one can overcome any obstacle and make a success story out of it,  I believe this to be true for all persons.  We all experience life on life’s terms.  We have benefits and we have consequences.  I believe success stories from others help us with our motivation to achieve.  And, I truly want to achieve in this life of mine.   I have wasted too many years to active symptoms of a dual disorder.  Peace, 
Andy

My biggest setback in dual recovery has been repeating the same mistakes over and over.  I tend to do this a whole bunch.  Even though I may be managing my psychiatric illness in a healthy and constructive way, I tend to engage in pure insanity.   I know better than that.  I am moving forward today, though.  I am putting one step in front of the other.  I am looking forward to a future with a wife, children and a job that makes me happy. I know I can do it.  In fact, I have faith the God of my understanding will lead me to this place in time, with patience.  I just don’t need to go where angels fear to tread.  I need to slow down, take my life for exactly what it is, and relax.  And I need to learn from the past.  Life is not a game.  Life is full of choices everyday.  Today, I choose recovery… I choose the solution.   And, I am working toward the solution everyday now.  I want to overcome the insanity of repeating the same mistakes over and over.  And I will, in time, with patience, with help from friends.  I have faith I can.  I will overcome my biggest setback.  Peace, Andy

Here is my first entry.  I am trying to figure out how to use it.  I am not sure, but I think I am getting somewhere.  I hope you can figure out how to log in by creating a user name and password and begin posting.  This can be a good source of communication regarding our experience, strength and hope.

Bad start to the morning. Had to pay a large fee.  But. I am putting the past behind me, and I am working on moving forward.  Peace be with you.  Have a great day.